Idiot Advisory:  Please don’t take these seriously. 

  1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
  2. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.  Presto!  The blockage will instantly remove itself.
  3. Avoid arguments about whether the toilet seat should be up or down – use the sink.
  4. If you’re always oversleeping, a mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and  going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  5.  If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.  This way you’ll be too afraid to cough.
  6. You only need two tools in life – WD40 and duct tape.  If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD40.  If it shouldn’t move, but it does, use the duct tape.