Idiot Advisory: Please don’t take these seriously.
- Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
- If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
- Avoid arguments about whether the toilet seat should be up or down – use the sink.
- If you’re always oversleeping, a mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. This way you’ll be too afraid to cough.
- You only need two tools in life – WD40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD40. If it shouldn’t move, but it does, use the duct tape.