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Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and like to Complain About Our Pets

I have posted the following message on our front door:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs are better than kids... they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends (unless the cat that also lives here has a cat-nip addiction, but that won't kill him/her). They don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for university - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

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