If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If a fly didn’t have wings, would it be called a walk?

If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hostage situation?

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If a politician loses his seat in Parliament, is he disappointed?

If we say we’re head over heels when we’re happy, does it mean we’re always happy when we are standing?

If swimming is such good exercise, how come whales are so fat?

If someone dies early why do we call them late?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

If you wear a sheet for halloween are you a ghost or a mattress?

If a person told you they were a pathological liar, would you believe them?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

If supermarkets are open 24/7/365, why do they have locks on the doors?

If “Con” is the Opposite of “Pro,” is Congress opposed to progress?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If Teflon is non-stick, how does it stay on the pan?

If a seagull flew over the bay, would it be called a bagel?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

If a vampire cannot see its reflection, how is their hair always so neat?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean the fifth person enjoys it?

If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If Superman can’t be hurt by bullets, why does he duck when they throw the gun?

If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If you choked a Smurf, what colour whould it turn?

If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you’re on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?

If someone who’s signing swears, does their mother make them wash their hands with soap?

If you get scared 1/2 to death twice what happens?

If Winnie the Pooh is civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why does he eat it with his hands?

If a turtle loses its shell, is it considered naked or homeless?

If electricity comes from electrons, dose morality come from morons?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoilt milk?

If a teacher has to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, are they “degraded” or “downgraded”?

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

If you fart and burp at the same time, does a vacuum form in your tummy?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you’ve finished?

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

Q. If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, what would the word be?

A. Meetings.