Rule 2 Never yell at a nurse (refer to Rule #1.)
Rule 3 Don’t hit patients or doctors – unless absolutely necessary.
Rule 4 All fevers will eventually come back to normal on the way to room temperature.
Rule 5 Don’t vomit on the nurse!
Rule 6 Don’t vomit on the doctor!
Rule 7 All bleeding stops eventually.
Rule 8 Remember, the problem is always better than the X-ray looks.
Rule 9 Everybody has to die sometime.
Rule 10 You can’t hurt a corpse.
Rule 11 Always do whatever you do best.
Rule 12 Everyone gets treated exactly the same in here —until they piss you off.
Rule 13 To be right is only half the battle; to convince the patient is more difficult.
Rule 14 Uncommon manifestations of common diseases are more common than are uncommon diseases.
Rule 15 The pain will go away when it stops hurting.
Rule 16 Never get excited about blood loss – unless it’s your own.
Rule 17 It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s right.
Rule 18 If a patient has a catheter, they need it.
Rule 19 In medicine, always remember never to say always or never.
Rule 20 Death is a severe stage of shock, or shock is a pause in the act of dying.