1. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
2. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
3. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
4. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
5. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
6. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
7. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
8. You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
9. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
10. Who stopped the payment on my reality check?