How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
“Damn.”
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese. (Prounounce “Not your cheese.”)
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out
of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They’re trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help … after it bites your leg off.