“I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization.”

Means: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’m honest, hard-working and dependable.”

Means: I pilfer office supplies.

“My pertinent work experience includes…”

Means: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I take pride in my work.”

Means: I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’m personable.”

Means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to colleagues.

“I’m extremely professional.”

Means: I carry a briefcase.

“I am adaptable.”

Means: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I am always on the go.”

Means: I’m never at my desk.