"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization."
Means: I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable."
Means: I pilfer office supplies.
"My pertinent work experience includes..."
Means: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
"I take pride in my work."
Means: I blame others for my mistakes.
"I'm personable."
Means: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to colleagues.
"I'm extremely professional."
Means: I carry a briefcase.
"I am adaptable."
Means: I've changed jobs a lot.
"I am always on the go."
Means: I'm never at my desk.