The Washington Post has come up with some more gems for alternative meanings for words:-
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.