Before – You take my breath away.
After – You’re suffocating me!

Before – Twice a night.
After – Twice a month.

Before – She loves the way I take control of a situation.
After – She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before – Saturday Night Live.
After – Sunday night football.

Before – He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After – If I had a penny for every stupid thing he’s done…

Before – Don’t Stop.
After – Don’t Start.

Before – The Sound of Music.
After – The Sound of Silence.

Before – Is that all you are eating?
After – Maybe you should just have a salad.

Before – Game for a Laugh.
After – The Weakest Link.

Before – It’s like living a dream.
After – It’s a nightmare.

Before – £12 /dozen.
After – £1.50 / stem.

Before – Turbocharged.
After – Needs a jump-start.

Before – We agree on everything!
After – Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

Before – Victoria’s Secret.
After – Fruit of the Loom.

Before – Feathers & handcuffs.
After – Ball and chain.

Before – Idol.
After – Idle.

Before – He’s lost without me.
After – Why can’t he just ask for directions?

Before – When we’re together, time stands still.
After – This relationship is going nowhere.

Before – Croissant and cappuccino.
After – Toast and instant coffee.

Before – Oysters.
After – Fish fingers.

Before – I can hardly believe we found each other.
After – How the hell did I end up with someone like you?

Before – Romeo and Juliet.
After – Punch and Judy.