Inspired by the recent "greedy scoundrel" insult handed out by an Indonesian student to his marching band mentor (which earned him a six month suspended sentence) Here's a list of wittier insults that I hope will inspire him.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...if you have one." George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one." Churchill's reply to Shaw:
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison." Lady Astor to Winston Churchill:
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." Churchill's reply to Lady Astor.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (18 44-1912)
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
- Jack E. Leonard
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
I had read a version of this in one of the establishments on my way to work, it goes something like this:
"Everybody makes me smile, some when they came, others when they leave"
Both are so true. I'm sure you are one of the former. 🙂
I hope so 🙂 Did I made you smile?
You did.