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Woman to English Dictionary

She says  -  English

Yes.  -   No.
No.  -  No.
Maybe -  No.
You want  -  You want
We need  -  I want
It's your decision.  -  The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want.  -  You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk.  -   I need to complain.
Sure . . . go ahead.  -   I don't want you to.
I'm not upset.  -   Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're . . . so manly.   -  You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.  -   I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient.  -   I want a new house
We need (see above)  new curtains . .  -    and carpeting, furniture and wallpaper
Hang the picture there.  -   No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise.   -   I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?  -   I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?  -  I did something today you're not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute.  -  Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Am I fat?  -  Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate better.  -  Just agree with me.
I'm sorry.  -  You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe?  -  It's easy to make, so you'd better get used to it.
I'm not yelling!   -  Of course I am yelling, this is important!
Are you listening to me?  -   Too late, you're dead. 

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