Ode To The New Year
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way that I’d never said, ‘No thank you, please.’
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as I only can ‘You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!’
So – away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie – not even a lick.
I’ll only chew on a celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn’t that what January’s for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!