Best Ever Headlines

Hmm - You'd think that people who are paid to write could do better:-

• Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
• Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
• Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
• Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
• Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
• Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
• Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
• British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
• Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
• Eye Drops Off Shelf
• Teachers Strike Idle Kids
• Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe
• Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
• Miners Refuse To Work After Death
• Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
• Stolen Painting Found By Tree
• Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
• Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
• Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
• War Dims Hope For Peace
• If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
• Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
• Deer Kill 17,000
• Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
• Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge
• New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group.
• Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
• Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy
• Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire
• Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
• Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half
• New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
• Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors