Customer: “Hello. I’d like to order a pizza please.”
Operator: “Can I have your multi purpose Smart Card number, sir?”
Customer: “It’s er…, hold on …. 6102049998-45- 54610”
Operator: “OK … If I could just confirm your details. You are Mr Smith and you’re calling from
Nottingham. Your home number is 4123456, your office 76543210
and your mobile is 077 1234567. “
Customer: “How did you get all my phone numbers?”
Operator: “We are connected to the Main CRM system Sir”
Customer: “I see, well I would like to order a double cheese, hot pepperoni, crusty pizza.”
Operator: “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “Why?”
Operator: “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and an even higher cholesterol level.”
Customer: “What? What do you recommend then?”
Operator: “Try our Low Fat No Cheese, Thai Prawn, Thin and Crusty Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know I will like it?”
Operator: “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Thai Dishes” from the library last week.”
Customer: “OK, I give up. Give me three family sized ones then. How much will that cost?”
Operator: “That should be enough for a family of 10, sir and there are only three in your household. I’ll send you one family sized pizza at a cost of £8.00.“
Customer: “Can I pay by credit card?”
Operator: “I’m afraid you will have to pay cash. Your credit card is over the limit and your overdraft is maxed out too. You also seem to be behind on your mortgage payments.”
Customer: “I suppose I could run to the hole in the wall and take out some cash before your guy arrives.”
Operator: “You won’t be able to do that sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily withdrawal limit today.”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it going to take anyway?”
Operator: “About 45 minutes sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. “
Customer: ” What? !”
Operator: “According to the details in the system, you own a moped, registration number N32G43.”
Customer: “*’!^ *#?@%^**%^!”
Operator: “Please mind your language, sir. Remember on 9th July last 1982 you were convicted of using abusive language.”
Customer: [Silence]
Operator: “Will there be anything else sir?”
Customer: “No, nothing. By the way, I would like to get the 3 free bottles of cola as advertised.”
Operator: “Normally we would do that sir, but based on your records you’re also a diabetic. We’ll send you 3 bottles of carbonated water instead. “
Customer :?……?… ..?…*.. *…..??. .* . **………. ?**.
*???.
Keep smiling….