A selection of headlines from stories in the news. They use English in a way that you might think is intended to confuse but it’s all perfectly clear to the native speaker.

The Beatles’ 1964 single, album and film, A Hard Day’s Night, provides the inspiration for the headline on a story in The Sun newspaper that the group refused to use medicated toilet tissue while recording their famous Abbey Road album because it was too ‘hard and strong.’ They also rejected it because it had EMI Records stamped on every sheet. Their behaviour was revealed after fan Barry Thomas (66) from Coventry snapped up the tissue at an auction for £85.

The Sun’s headline was ‘Hard Day’s Wipe For The Beatles’, as a play on the song “A hard day’s night”.  (You wipe yourself with loo paper.)  They might be glad to know that as far as I know, Izal, who manufactured this kind of loo paper, no longer do so.  (If you don’t know what it is, think of tracing paper, and then imagine wiping your more intimate areas with that – ouch!)