Now, this might not seem funny, and I know cancer is no laughing matter, but give me a chance to explain. The Daily Mail is a red top newspaper in the UK which is infamous for printing scaremongering stories, Russell Howard has put into song the things the Daily Mail claims can cause cancer. First shown on Russel Howard’s Good News on BBC Three.

Age, air, alcohol, aspirin and calcium.
Ham, honey, eggs, dogs, dieting and soup.  
Being a woman, being a man, bubble bath, and food from cans.
Being black, wearing bras, left-handedness, and speedy cars.
Oestrogen, climate change, babyfood, the menopause.
Beef, beer, pizza, pork, cereal, and worcester sauce.
Childlessness, children, vitamins and bacon.
Chocolate, retirement, deoderant and facebook 

The Mail says that these cause cancer, but it’s only rumours that they give you tumours.  
They’ve got some big balls to print it,
`Cos it’s 60 pages of scary bullshit!