HP sauce is probably the best known brand of brown sauce in the UK. Indeed I read recently that at one stage it cornered over 70% of the retail brown sauce market.  It is used as a condiment with hot or cold savoury food and when I was growing up, it was always splattered liberally over Irish stew.  So if you pop into most British kitchens you will find a bottle somewhere, but one man has found a new – and criminal- use for the sauce.


According to a report in The Sun, 31 year old Raymond Hodgson was so enraged when he saw his girlfriend Emma McCormick reading the erotic novel Fifty Shades Of Grey that he stormed out of the house only to return with a bottle of HP sauce and promptly squirted her from head to toe, completely covering her face and eyes before splattering the walls.

Raymond, from Carlisle in Cumbria, said: “I did what I did to show her what saucy really means. It was a silly thing to do, but I still think the book is pornographic.”

Emma said: “I agree with Raymond, the book’s filth. I haven’t read it since and I won’t. We aren’t together any more but I’ve forgiven him.”

Hodgson, who admitted common assault was sentenced to a six-month community order, must wear a tag and pay Emma £100 compensation.

Those pesky aliens get everywhere…

A police officer at Manchester United’s FA Cup quarter final match against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in London in 1999, claims he saw a UFO!

Secret files revealing alleged UFO sightings have been released by the Government and the policeman claimed to have seen something “unlike anything I’ve seen before”.

He described a “square to almond” shaped yellow object, with four lights, floating silently above his horse.

I wonder if the referee would have issued a red card if the UFO had attempted to land on the pitch.

Everyone in Britain is getting really fed up with the constant wet weather, including rats who are being flushed out of sewers.

There has been a 25% rise in pest control call-outs to deal with an increasing number of the UK’s 80 million rats, who are emerging from flooded drains looking for food.

Adam Hawley, spokesman for the National Pest Technicians Association, said: “We’re having an incredible summer of rain, and the sewers and drains are not coping with the amount of flood water, that inevitably flushes the rats to higher ground. They then try to move into people’s garages or sheds, or into people’s lofts to get away from the flood water. The knock-on effect is, potentially, people’s dwellings are getting rat infestations.”

Sometimes people should really take a moment or two to think before they open their mouth.

The Daily Mail reports The Right Reverend Peter Price, Bishop of Bath and Wells, as saying that rioting could be an “ecstatic, spiritual experience.”

Dr Price said, “I have no intention of being sentimental about the people, mainly young people, who took to the streets last August and destroyed property, ruined other people’s lives and walked off with looted trophies.  Riots embody appalling evil and criminality and those who get drawn in often display great wickedness.” But he added: ‘Rioting can be, literally, an ecstatic, spiritual experience. Something is released in the participants which takes them out of themselves as a kind of spiritual escape.”

Try telling that to those who suffered at the hands of rioters.

Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge, Anfield, iconic names for iconic football clubs.

But one tiny team in the north of Derbyshire have come up with a novel way to rename their own ground.

Clay Cross, who play in the Central Midlands League, held a raffle for local businesses to rebrand the club, formerly known as Parkhouse FC.

Committee member Martin Roberts told the BBC that the idea to raffle off the naming rights to the ground, formerly known as Mill Lane, was part of a promotional push.

The raffle was won by a local tattoo parlour and next season Clay Cross will play their games at, The Devil Made Me Do It ground!

Tattoo shop owner Rob Clements said: “The name comes from one of my favourite songs. I paid £10 for the raffle ticket, but I never win anything, so I was quite shocked when our name was drawn out.”

Mr Roberts said: “If Coca Cola or any other major companies are interested in having their name on the ground they should get in touch – but it’s gone for this season.”


Twenty one year old Georgia Ford had to delete her Twitter account after being bombarded with abuse for asking: “Is Wimbledon always held in London?”

Her query was re-tweeted 7,000 times and one person called the question “the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”.  (They’ve obviously never heard the one about Weapons of Mass Destruction being ready to unleash in 45 minutes.  http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/dec/08/45-minutes-wmd-taxi-driver)

Georgia, of South Shields, Tyneside, said she thought Wimbledon was just the name of the competition and it moved each year.  Bless.

Nice one Herbie!

The Mirror reports on a lovely tale that seven year old Labrador Herbie saved his owner’s life by licking her awake from a diabetic coma.

The dog nudged and nuzzled 42 year old Suzanne West for six hours until she finally came around.

Suzanne, of Poole, Dorset, said: “I woke up to the feeling of someone slapping a flannel round my face, which was Herbie, and I was covered in dog hair.

“He had stood by me the whole time to ensure I woke up. If it wasn’t for him I would have died, because my blood sugar levels would have fallen to a fatally low point.”