News Round Up
by Patrick O'Connor
YOU have to hand it to our tabloid press, they've really got their finger on the pulse when it comes to what's important in life.
Take The Sun for instance. Britain is still beset with financial crisis, political wheeling and dealing and industrial unrest.
But what did they splash out on last week – their claim that fans of women's beach volleyball “were distraught.”
Were they “distraught” at the training facilities, lack of TV coverage, poor quality of play? No, according to The Sun, they were upset after it was revealed competitors may have to “hide their curves at the Olympics.”
The Sun reported that bad weather could “deny male spectators the sight of tanned and toned athletes cavorting in bikinis.”
Team GB player Shauna Mullin told the paper: “Once the temperature drops below 16 centigrade we are allowed to wear long leggings and long-sleeved tops.”
Oh my God! No! This ought to be debated in Parliament. What does the Queen think?
Mind you, some Olympic athletes may have other things on their mind apart from actually competing.
According the Daily Mirror, a record 150,000 free condoms are on offer to competitors at this summer's event, 50 per cent more than the 100,000 handed out at the Beijing Games in 2008.
Someone at the Mirror has been doing their research for they tell readers that 8,500 condoms were available for Seoul 1988, 50,000 for Barcelona 1992, while at Sydney 2000 20,000 extra had to be ordered after the initial 70,000 ran out.
Are athletes getting randier?
The weather continues to grab headlines with the Mirror carrying some wonderful pictures of a wedding at a hotel in Cambridge where the couple bought his'n'hers wellies after torrential rain flooded the hotel garden.
They wanted to exchange vows outside in front of guests but with the lawn under two foot of water, had to stand on a table for photos.
Bride Sarah Longland said: “We knew it was going to be wet so we brought a load of wellies and umbrellas and asked the guests to do the same. Some of the guests thought there was a lovely lake in the garden when they arrived.”
Mountain rescue teams have to be on the alert, ever-ready to scale the heights to perform their heroic duties.
But the team from Oldham in Lancashire had to use their initiative when they were called out to rescue two men who had got stuck down a sewer shaft in the town centre! The pair had climbed down a manhole at the end of a night out.
Rescue team leader Mick Nield said: “I think they had been on the beers and decided it was a good idea to monkey swing down there.
“It took us about an hour to get them out. One of the men had fallen about 10ft but neither of them was hurt seriously. Both were checked out by ambulance men.”
Silly monkeys!
Some stories just get you there, right in the heart.
Four kittens were spotted inside a written-off car moments before it was due to be crushed at a scrap metal yard in Birmingham.
Shocked workers discovered the kittens after hearing purring coming from the boot of the 1989 Porsche.
Scrap yard boss Carl Dowling said: "Just seconds before it was to go into the crusher we heard a high-pitched squealing coming from the boot. A few of the lads looked at each other and we stopped the machines and listened again. We managed to force the boot open and there were these four kittens huddled by the spare wheel.”
Aaah.
Want to know what is one of the biggest activities in Britain – texting.
According to a report by Ofcom, Britons now spent more time texting family and friends that chatting to them.
They claim the average adult send 50 texts a week – three times more than five years ago.
Wonder what the messages flying around the Olympic village will be saying?
You lucky so-and-so!
A report in the Daily Mirror says that an anonymous businessman is £2.6 million richer after one 25p spin at an Internet casino.
He hit the jackpot while playing the Mega Moolad slot machine – where the prize fund grows every time a player spins the wheels.
One thing there will never be a shortage of in Britain is eccentrics.
The Independent reports that a naked rambler who has spent 657 days in a Scottish jail after refusing to wear clothes has been released despite continuing to resist attempts to make him cover up.
Former Royal Marine Stephen Gough has just completed his latest sentence for breach of the peace and contempt of court.
No doubt he'll be hoping for warmer weather!