Following the recent scandal that horsemeat has been used in burgers in the UK, here’s proof that the British will make a joke out of anything. 

What’s in this burger? It just jumped over my chips.

I’ve got some burgers in the fridge. But . . . THEY’RE OFFFFFFFFF!

I went to Burger King yesterday and ordered a burger. They asked me if I wanted anything on it, and I said: ‘Yes — a fiver each way.’

What do you call a burnt burger? Black Beauty.

Does anyone have a tooth pick? I went to Burger King last night and there’s still a bit between my teeth.

My doctor told me to watch what I eat, so I went out and bought tickets for the Grand National.

If you think horse meat’s bad, wait until you try veggie burgers. They’re made of genuine uniQuorn.

Tesco are giving treble points on your Clubcard for all burgers and petrol, starting today. The deal’s called Only Fuel and Horses.

They’ve found horse meat in burgers? It’s an unbridled disaster.

I selected some burgers on the Tesco shopping website. And then clicked ‘Add to cart.’

Those Tesco horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony.

A woman has been taken to hospital after eating Tesco burgers. Her condition is said to be stable.

I used to work on the Tesco meat counter, but it was like flogging a dead horse.

Last night I ate a Tesco burger, an Iceland burger and an Aldi burger to find out which had the best taste.  Tesco won by a short head.

I think someone may be sending me death threats. I woke up this morning with a Tesco burger in my bed.

I bought an ‘award-winning’ Tesco burger. I didn’t realise they meant it had won the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

I got an email about a delivery of horse meat and I marked it as spam.

Horse meat in Tesco burgers? What are the odds on that?

I tried to take some burgers back to Tesco but they said they wouldn’t accept them. Looks like I’m saddled with them.

Despite the recent scandal, beef burger sales remain stable.

Are you in favour of horse meat in your burgers? Yay or Neigh?

I won’t be switching to Tesco Finest burgers. They’re so expensive that buying enough for a big family dinner won’t leave you much change from a pony.

I was going to give up fast food for January, but I fell at the final hurdle and had a burger.

Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb’s and some burgers. So that’s white rum, navy rum and Red Rum.

Despite the recent scandal, Burger King insists they only use meat of the highest quality. A spokesman said: ‘Our meat has to clear several hurdles before it goes on sale.’

I don’t know why there’s a fuss all of a sudden. There’s been horse meat in burgers for donkey’s years.
I like my burgers with a side saddle and neighonnaise.

Special offer – burgers at hoof price.

So there’s horse meat in Burger King burgers. Don’t worry, it’s not the mane ingredient.

I bought some Tesco burgers — I wanted to get venison ones, but they were dead dear.

I ordered a burger the other day — but asked them to hold the dressage.

Forget the Everyday Value burgers — I only eat those mini-burgers you have as snacks. You know, the horse d’oeuvres.

They would’ve got away with it if it wasn’t for the DN Neigh test.

Burgers low in fat high in Shergar.

I never eat burgers, they give me the trots.


Scientist: ‘Sir, we’ve discovered horse meat in your burgers.’

Tesco boss: ‘Why the long face?’


A Tesco burger walks into a bar. ‘A pint please.’

‘I can’t hear you,’ says the barman.

‘Sorry’ replies the burger. ‘I’m a little horse.’