News Round Up

by Patrick O’Connor

WHAT a win bonus!

Paul Cox, manager of non-league football club Mansfield Town, must have been pretty chuffed when his team thrashed rivals Barrow 8-1 but he had an even greater reason to celebrate after the final whistle.

For, according to the BBC, the club’s chairman John Radford was so impressed, he handed over his Aston Martin car as a reward.

Mansfield, who play in the Blue Square Premier League, had already walloped Barrow 7-0 earlier in the season and Radford had said he wanted his team to do even better in the return fixture.

“You have these things and you’ve got to give people targets and things like that, so he fancied the car and I thought I’m about ready for a change and he did the job. It’s my old Aston Martin so it’s not brand new. It’s a couple of years old,” he added.

The car is worth up to £80,000 and Cox told BBC Radio 5 Live: “I didn’t really take him at face value when we was talking but to be fair to the man he’s a top guy and when he did it, it was unbelievable.

“I love cars. I think every man does, don’t they, but it’s the football that motivates me.”

The Sun has paid tribute to David St John who they reckon is Britain’s top TV game show contestant.

David (64), from Cannock in Staffordshire, has made 27 appearances in 30 years, winning around £5,000 and been champion nine times.

He said: “My Holy Grail is Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? — it’s the ultimate TV quiz.”

An emergency landing at Heathrow turned out to be a load of bull, says the Daily Mirror.

The pilot of a Korean Airways cargo plane saw a fire warning light come on but when he landed no blaze was found.

However he said later that the alarm may have been triggered by extra humidity generated by 390 cows being carried on board.

You could say – or at least The Sun does – that men from Stoke-on-Trent will be feeling cock-a-hoop at the moment.

It seems that they have finished top in a poll of the UK’s biggest willies!

Condom firm TheyFit – which makes 95 sizes with different length and girth combinations – says it delivers more of its longer varieties to Stoke-on-Trent, birthplace of pop star Robbie Williams.

Joe Nelson, of TheyFit, said: “This is the most accurate survey of penis sizes ever collected.

Previous studies have relied on self-reported measurements from men, leading to an issue of ‘size exaggeration’.”

Some of our scientists are so clever…

The Daily Express tells us that physicist Dr Mark Hadley has ‘unlocked the secret’ of how to toss a pancake perfectly.

The Warwick University professor says for the ideal toss people need to aim for a height of 18in – with the entire toss covering an arc of almost 10ft.

Dr Hadley said: “It’s all about synchronizing the spin with the throw and making sure the elevation is high enough to get the best arc. There is far more to tossing a pancake than meets the eye.

Not only does it involve kinetic energy, torque and velocity, it needs a pretty nifty wrist action and a good non-stick pan too.”

So now you know.

The Independent reports that the most-borrowed book in the House of Commons library is How To Be An MP.

The book, by Paul Flynn, boasts step-by-step guides on how to placate constituents, advance one’s career, claim expenses and fend off an inquisitive press.

Who’s a clever bird!

According to The Sun, Rocket the parrot can speak in Urdu, Arabic and English.

His owner, Ehsaan Mahmood, from Oldham, Greater Manchester, said: “He’s in the living room and always around us so he’s picked up different languages. He’s got quite a vocabulary together.

“We’re trying to teach him more English and Urdu so he can keep my gran Ghulam company. She sits there talking to him anyway.”

Here’s a piece of news from the Daily Express which you would hope spurs other organisations into following suit.

Waltham Forest Council in London claims it is the first local authority to introduce a fine for spitting.

The fine will be imposed by civil enforcement officers, who also give out penalties for urinating.

Councillor Clyde Loakes, the council’s deputy leader, said: “It’s horrible to witness and leaves an unsanitary mess on our pavements. Why people think it is acceptable to indulge in what must be the most anti-social of all behaviours is a mystery.”

What a bright spark!

Sixteen year old Lauren Marbe shocked teachers by scoring 161 on the Mensa brain test after she was entered with other pupils from her school for fun.

Lauren, from Loughton, Essex, is now officially smarter than Professor Stephen Hawking, Bill Gates and even Albert Einstein – who all have an IQ of 160 – according to the Daily Telegraph.

She has been enrolled in prestigious society Mensa, which means she is officially in the top one per cent of cleverest people in the world.


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The Independent (

Daily Mirror ((

The Sun (

Daily Telegraph (www.telegraph