You believe that coffee beans are one of your five a day.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You grind your coffee beans with your teeth.

You tag your coffee photos.

The staff in the coffee shop know you by your first name.

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

On a flight you call the air hostess just to get a coffee refill.

You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee tin.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You slip into a coma if you drink decaf by accident.

You’ve given up everything for Lent, but you still can’t last 40 days without caffeine.