New Year’s Resolutions

In celebration of Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day.

New Years Resolutions You Have No Chance Of  Keeping

  1. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “LOL”
  2. I will start using Facebook for something other than Farmville.
  3. I will try to figure out why I “really” need 5 Facebook accounts. 
  4. I resolve to work with neglected children… my own. 
  5. I will lose 20 pounds by going to the gym!
  6. I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet. 
  7. I will read the manual.
  8. I will spend less than £1000 on coffee at Cafe Nero this year. 
  9. I will stop repeating myself again, and again, and again. 
  10.  I will think of a password other than “password” 

New Years Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

  1. I will read less.
  2. I will gain weight. 
  3. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier shop.
  4. I will stop wasting my time exercising. 
  5. I will watch more TV. 
  6. I will procrastinate more. 
  7. To save the planet, I will do less laundry. 
  8. I will drink more. 
  9. I will spend more time at work. 
  10. I will eat out more. 
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