The advantages of being over 50

Kidnappers are no longer interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9pm and ask "Did I wake you?"
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 4pm.
You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
You have a party and the neighbours won't even realise.
You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You know all the words to the music played in elevators.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the weather forecast.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

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