On his grievances: “What annoys me is how much land is being taken up by dead people.”
On travelling: “You can be into travelling, but the world’s only so big, innit? So eventually you’re gonna run out of places to visit. Whereas biscuits… there’s loads of them.”
On prayer: “That’s what praying is, really. A posh moan.”
On stick insects: “Imagine being a stick insect, walking about, forvever going ‘Is that whatshisname?’ And you’d have to walk all the way up to the twig. ‘Oh no, it’s just a bloody twig again.’”
On happiness: “Happiness is like a cake. Have too much of it – you get sick of it.”
On convenience: “When anything’s done quickly it tends to be sort of shit. What’s done quickly that’s really good? Not much. Pot Noodle.”
On jellyfish: “It’s 97% water or something. So, how much are they doing? Give ‘em another 3% and make ‘em water. That’s more useful.”
On the pyramids: “It’s like a game of Jenga that’s got out of hand.”
On the elderly: “You never see an old man having a Twix.”
On dreams: “Your dreams should never be better than your real life. Unless you’re a sloth. Because then they’re asleep a lot, aren’t they?”
