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June 1,
Message to the president

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed […]

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May 21,
Great signs

There are some great signs to be found:- Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." Sign outside a radiator repair shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." Sign on […]

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May 14,
European English

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. […]

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May 7,
British Performance Evaluations

The British Military writes EPR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's".... His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. I would not breed from this Officer. This Officer is really not so much […]

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May 1,
Great Excuses

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling): My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also […]

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April 21,
Oxymorons

Act naturally Airline food Alone together Business ethics Butt head Clearly misunderstood Computer security Definite maybe Exact estimate Extinct life Found missing Genuine imitation Good grief Government organisation Jumbo Shrimps Legally drunk Military intelligence Now, then . . . Passive aggression Peace force Plastic glasses Political science Pretty ugly Quiet riot Rap music Religious tolerance […]

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