Saturday morning I got up early, got dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out of the garage, only to realise it was chucking it down. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I drove back into the garage, turned on the radio, […]

Our lawn mower broke  and my wife kept hinting that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always hadsomething else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her […]

On retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my pension.  The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age, but I realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The […]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to make love?' 'No,' she answered.  So I said, 'Is that your final answer?' 'Yes,' she replied. So I said, "I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law an unusual gift for Christmas, it was a cemetery plot. The next year, I didn't buy her anything.  When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And then the fight started.

I crashed into the back of a car this morning. The driver got out of the other car, and he was really short! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' And then the fight started.