A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the […]

This is supposedly an actual dialogue betweem a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee and a customer. Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."Support: "What sort of trouble?"Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away"Support: "Went away?"Customer: "They disappeared."Support: […]

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy […]

Ronnie Barker monologue: "Good evening. My name is Jimmy Dimwiddie. Now, I want to talk to you tonight about an important consumer organization called The Anti-Shoddy Goods Committee. Now the purpose of The Anti-Shoddy Goods Committee is to protect you from the crafty baddies that are selling goods that are grotty, dirty, dowdy, gaudy or […]

In promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compacted comprehensibleness, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations […]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners: 1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts untilyourealize it was your money to start with. 2. […]