SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.FAULT: Glass empty.ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.ACTION: […]

Marriage is like a game of cards. In the beginning it's all hearts and diamonds, but by the end you wish you had a club and a spade. (Think about it.)

The effect of beer on your English proficiency:- One pint: no change in your English .Two pints: your English goes up a level.Three pints: your English goes up a level, but your grammar disappears.Four pints: you become very fluent, but start mixing English up with your own language.Five pints: you discover that you can sing […]

At his meeting with Queen Elizabeth recently, Kevin Rudd turned to theQueen and said: As I'm the Prime Minister, I'm thinking of changing how my great countryis referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom." The Queen replied, "I'm sorry Mr. Rudd, but to be a Kingdom, you have tohave a King […]

If someone calls you "Einstein", it's probably not meant as a compliment, it's sarcasm. It's like calling you a clever clogs, or smart ass. Transcript:- [A guy is in the middle of painting a front porch and someone walks up to him.] Unknown guy: So, you're doing a little painting huh? Painter: That's right Einstein. […]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room. I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." So, she stood up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer.