What is your doctor really saying…
“There is a lot of that going around.” – That’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.
“Well, what have we here..?” – He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.
“Let me check your medical history.” – I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
“We have some good news and some bad news.” – The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.
“Let’s see how it develops.” – Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
“Let me schedule you for some tests.” – I have a 40% interest in the lab.
“I’d like to have my associate look at you.” – He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
“I’d like to prescribe a new drug.” – I’m writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig.
“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.” – I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
“This may hurt a little.” – Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
“Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we..?” – I’m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
“This should fix you up.” – The drug company slipped me a fiver to prescribe this stuff.
“Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?” – You’re crazier than an box of frogs. Now, if I can only find a shrink who’ll split fees with me…
“If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment.” – I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Thanks goodness I’m off next week.
And don’t forget that doctors can make mistakes too!