Oscar Wilde was voted Britain’s greatest wit.

(In a poll conducted by UK TV station “Dave” people were asked to vote for their favourite “wit”. The results were a bit surprising and all men: The highest ranked woman in the poll, taking 12th place, was, believe it or not, former British prime minister Margaret Thatcher!

Here is a list of the top ten, with a sample of their wittiness.

1 Oscar Wilde: “Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.”
2 Spike Milligan: “A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.”
3 Stephen Fry: “It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.”
4 Jeremy Clarkson: “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… That’s what gets you..”
5 Sir Winston Churchill: “I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
6 Paul Merton: “My school days were the happiest of my life: which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past twenty five years.”
7 Noel Coward: “Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar. Never spread it about like marmalade.”
8 William Shakespeare: “Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.”
9 Brian Clough: “I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the business, but I was in the top one.”
10 Liam Gallagher: “She can’t even chew gum and walk in a straight line, let alone write a book.” (On Victoria Beckham).

Thanks to Leen for reminding me of this.)