Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 'four-in-one deal' for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm monitoring. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. […]

How do dead flies and bugs get into light fixtures? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck? How is it possible to have a civil war? How many peppers did Peter Piper pick? How do "Keep Off The Grass" signs get there? How do you know when you've […]

A horse, a flea, and three blind mice,Sat on a curbstone shooting dice.The horse, he slipped and fell on the flea.The flea said, "Whoops, there's a horse on me."

Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?" Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me." Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle] Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e." Tech Support: "Oh, sorry." [blush] ---------------------------------- Tech Support: "Would you right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up […]

This is for James:- Net Lag: That glazed look when you have been online for too long. Meerkatting: When something happens in a call centre with cubicles, where people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. Open-Collar Workers: People who work at home or telecommute. Adminisphere: The rarefied organisation layers beginning […]

1. When IT say they're coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for them to remember 700 network passwords. 2. When you call them to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and […]