Son : Dad, what should I give my girlfriend for Christmas?

Dad : What is she like?

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm out shopping, and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "£1,000? Why not?  Go ahead and buy it, if you like it that much."

A husband came home from work and his wife walked up to him and slapped him across the face, "What was that for?" he cried. 

A wife asked her husband, "Can you mow the lawn?"

The husband replied, "What do you think I am, a gardener?"

 (This first appeared in the grammar pages of the site, but hey... you might not read the grammar pages.) 

Once there were four managers.  Their names were: Somebody, Everybody, Anybody, and Nobody.  They were very busy people, but whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Anybody realized that Nobody would do it. So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.

The ABCs of marriage

After being married for thirty years a wife asked her husband to describe her. 

He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.... I, J, K." 

She asked, "What does that mean?"