1. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.2. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.3. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.5. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without […]

1. Work is for people who don't know how to fish.2. If you don't like the news, go out and make some.3. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.4. Tax - We've got what it takes to take what you have got.5. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you […]

1. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.2. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.3. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I4. I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.5. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.6. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I […]

1. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?2. No one is listening until you make a mistake.3. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.4. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.6. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.7. Always remember […]

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to […]